There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
