I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
