he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
