Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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