im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
