You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
