The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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