Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
