I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
