Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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