the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
