we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
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I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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