the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
