I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
