It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Randomize
