it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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