I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
