FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
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