And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
