I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
