My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
