I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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