I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Even my vagina gasped.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
