dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
