one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
