i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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