does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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