I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Green mimosas i think yes
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
