Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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