Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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