I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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