Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
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