Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
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