I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I would ride that face into the sunset
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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