Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
