college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
