You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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