i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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