apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
