I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
