After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
