He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
