our cab driver is having phone sex.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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