i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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