You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
