..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
