if you like me you must not know who I am
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
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