Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
my phone needs a breathalizer
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
