Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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