I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
