i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
