The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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