can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
