he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
