I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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