who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
