Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
