he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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