wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
