I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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