Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
honey bunches of taint.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
