I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
