i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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