Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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