im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
