Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Text me some of your sweat
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
