I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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