If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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