can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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