Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
