so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
