I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
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It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
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You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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